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Strengthen Your Relationship

All relationships require effort
Are you and your partner working towards or away from each other? Knowing a simple communication technique may be one key to strengthening any relationship.

People seek out counseling during all stages of 'relationship'. Some are in the early stage. They struggle to forge deeper intimacy now that the  'honeymoon' is over. Some find that decades together doesn't guarantee happiness and are questioning whether to stay or leave.  

If you are in a relationship which falls somewhere in-between, I invite you to heed the following advice.

First ask yourself- Are you truly committed to your partnership and to doing the work it will take to get the closeness/intimacy back?

If you can answer yes to this question, well, keep reading: 
love can grow!!

All relationships are 'living' things growing strong, close, or weak, and distant at any given time. The couples I see who are most at risk of relationship failures are frankly, people who are unable to communicate with respect.

 AND I'm sure it comes as no surprise that the most difficult part of communication and the part which can develop a more loving connection between partners, is LISTENING.

Here's more good news: one partner alone can begin to build a closer relationship by using a simple communication technique.

This is not as easy as it may sound, because it's an exercise which succeeds only if you are able to suspend blame, finger-pointing, and resentment.

You are personally responsible for asking the questions with some humility and for hearing your partner's answers without becoming defensive or judgmental e.g. "Well I wouldn't have ......if YOU didn't......"
The object here is to build a stronger relationship. It is accomplished by  asking your partner to SAFELY share their feelings, by you providing that safety, and then by allowing yourself an opportunity to quietly look at yourself through your loved one's eyes.

3 Questions to Ask each Week

1. Is there anything that I need to apologize for? (i.e. Have I done or said anything that hurt you?)                            
2. How can I be a better spouse/partner? 

3. Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting?  
  •  Do not debate your partner's responses. No excuses!
  •  Repeat what you heard your partner say : "You said you hate when I come home late without calling you."
  • Honor your partner's responses: Correct what is asked. "I'm going to call you if my work goes later than 5pm."
  •   Apologize. 

Simple, concrete, obvious. Not easy.
Start today! Let me know if I can help you build a strong and mutually respectful avenue of communication.